What is Gender Identity? (from the Trevor Project)

Most of us were taught a lot about gender both directly and indirectly in the home, at school, and through media and other outlets. Let’s unpack what we were taught about gender identity! Whereas sex refers more to biology, gender identity refers to self expression. Gender is a social construct, an idea created by people to help explain and make meaning of the world around them.

Gender identity is often mapped onto us at a young age and we learn how to embody the stereotypes associated with the gender projected onto us when we are young. Gender often comes with a set of expectations, like how to act, talk, dress, feel emotion, and interact with other people. For example, when you think of a teenage boy in America, what comes to mind? Do you imagine him playing football, or do you picture him dancing in a ballet recital? It’s likely that you imagined him playing football, first – but why? Other examples of these expectations include that boys don’t cry but girls can be emotional. Boys play with cars, girls play with dolls. Men can be angry and aggressive but women ought to be soft and gentle.

While there’s no objective reason why we swaddle boy babies in blue and girl babies in pink, these gendered associations, characteristics, expressions, and stereotypes are taught to us starting at birth and shape most of how we interact with the world. However, these gender roles are not inherent or set in stone. Gender and sex exist on a spectrum, meaning that there are infinite ways people can express their gender identity or sex.

There are many parts to our gender, including:

Gender Expression: How we choose to express our gender in public. This includes things like our haircut, clothing, voice and body characteristics, and behavior.

Gender Identity: Our personal sense of what our own gender is.

Gender Presentation: How the world sees and understands our gender.

Read more about gender identity using the resources below.

Transgender Identities

When we’re born, a doctor assigns us a sex. This has to do with our biology, chromosomes, and physical body. People who identify with their assigned gender or sex, and choose to identify with what they were assigned at birth are “cisgender.” People who identify as a gender other than that which they were assigned at birth are “transgender.”

If you don’t feel that your gender identity matches the gender you were assigned at birth, you might identify as transgender (or trans). Transgender is an umbrella term that includes any and all labels to describe gender diverse individuals.

Genderqueer and gender non-conforming identities describe someone whose gender expression is, or seems to be, different from their assigned gender role. Genderqueer and gender non-conforming people may choose to avoid gender-specific pronouns like “she/her” and “he/him,” and use more neutral pronouns instead.

When a person comes out as transgender and decides to “transition” this can include many things such as social transition (e.g. changing pronouns and telling people), legal transition (e.g. changing your name, officially), or medical transition (e.g. taking hormones or having surgery). An individual does not have to transition in these ways to be considered transgender or to have their gender identity be valid. A person is transgender if that label resonates with them and their gender identity.

Sex and Gender: What’s The Difference?

Many people confuse sex and gender, or use the two interchangeably. Many also wrongly assume that sex defines gender. In reality, gender identity is a living, growing, experience that can change over time, and is not necessarily tied to sex.

It can be tough for transgender and nonbinary people to constantly educate or be subjected to others’ curiosity. One of the best ways to be an ally is to educate yourself on the basics of gender identity and expression so you can better support others.

Sex

Sex is the classification of a person as male, female, or intersex. When we are born, doctors usually decide whether female or male will be listed on our birth certificate. This sex assignment at birth is typically based solely on one’s genitals, however sex characteristics also include chromosomes, gonads, and sex hormones. Intersex is an umbrella term used to describe variations in physical sex traits or reproductive anatomy that are present at birth or emerge spontaneously later in life, and differ from normative expectations of “male” and “female.”

Someone’s sex characteristics are private information. When someone shares their gender identity with you, it is invasive and inappropriate to assume or try to deduce that person’s sex assigned at birth. Believe others when they say who they are, and support them.

Gender

Gender describes the internal experience of being a man, a woman, a nonbinary person, or otherwise. Every person experiences gender differently — and you cannot know someone’s gender by simply looking at them.

Some genders include:

Cisgender: people whose gender identity aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth.

Transgender: people whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. Some folks might choose to receive certain gender affirming care, but this is not necessary, and each person should be allowed to choose what works best for themselves.

Nonbinary: an umbrella term to describe people who experience their gender identity and/or expression outside of the male/female, man/woman binary, including folks who are genderfluid, genderqueer, polygender, bigender, demigender, agender, and many others.

Two-Spirit: an umbrella term created by First Nations/Native American/Indigenous peoples to describe a sexual orientation and/or gender/sex that exists outside of colonial constructions of the gender binary (neither man nor woman, but a distinct, alternative gender status exclusive to their ethnicity). This term should not be appropriated by or used to describe people who are not First Nations/Native American/Indigenous.

Gender Expression

Expression

Gender expression describes the way in which people present or express their gender, including physical appearance, clothing, hairstyles, and behavior. People can exert a certain degree of control over their gender expression depending on their resources and environment.

Perception

A “perceived gender” is based on how people evaluate each other’s gender and bodies, which unlike gender expression, we cannot control. People perceive gender based on a variety of visual and social cues, including but not limited to a person’s gender expression, physical characteristics, and the social role they play.

Being an ally to trans and nonbinary people in your life means refraining from making assumptions about people’s gender in general. You can’t tell someone’s gender by looking at them. Be aware of the expectations you project onto others based on how you perceive gender, and choose to validate people’s experiences.

Names and Pronouns

Respecting the language that young people use to identify themselves is not only polite — it can save lives.

Names

Some trans and nonbinary people choose a new name that aligns with their gender. It can be something entirely new or a variation on their old name. The process of legally changing your name can be expensive and complicated, and may not be possible for someone right away. Be supportive of trans and nonbinary folks by honoring and using the names they choose regardless of whether their name has been legally changed.

Pronouns

A pronoun is a word that is used instead of a noun to refer to someone. Some examples of pronouns that people commonly use include:

She, her, her, hers, and herself

He, him, his, his, and himself

They, them, their, theirs, and themself

Ze/zie, hir, hir, hirs, and hirself

Xe, xem, xyr, xyrs, and xemself

Ve, ver, vis, vis, and verself

We cannot assume someone’s pronouns in the same way we can’t assume people’s gender identities or names. It’s best to always introduce yourself with your pronouns when you meet someone new, which gives them the opportunity to share theirs. Make sure to remember people’s pronouns, and use them correctly.

Honorifics

An honorific is a respectful title or form of address. The honorific Mr., abbreviated from Mister, is sometimes used for men regardless of marital status or age. Ms. is sometimes used for women regardless of marital status or age, and can be used by women who do not want the associations of either Miss (a young, unmarried woman) or Mrs. (a married woman). Recently, Mx. has become a gender-neutral option to anyone who wants a title that can be used regardless of gender, age, or marital status. If you are using honorifics, for example on an intake form or invitation, confirm with the person you are addressing what honorifics they prefer.

Learn more:

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/category/gender-identity/

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/category/gender-identity/

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/understanding-gender-identities/

https://www.glaad.org/transgender/transfaq

https://www.hrc.org/resources/understanding-the-transgender-community

https://www.hrc.org/resources/transgender-and-non-binary-faq

https://www.hrc.org/resources/myths-and-facts-battling-disinformation-about-transgender-rights

Check out this great link.

Check out this great link.

Here’s How You Can Support the Trans and Nonbinary People in Your Life (from the Trevor Project)

Disclosure

After a friend or loved one shares their experiences with their gender, you may want to inform everyone in your group to make sure that everyone knows to use the correct pronouns, or because you are surprised to find out that someone you know is transgender. Refrain from sharing anyone else’s story for them.

Disclosing a transgender or nonbinary person’s identity could cause discomfort if they have not come out to others. It could also compromise their safety, as many people or environments can be dangerous for transgender and nonbinary people.

Transitioning

Transitioning looks different for different people, and there is no right way to express your gender. Some people physically and/or medically transition; others do not. This may be related to personal expression, lack of access to gender-affirming healthcare, medical conditions that prevent certain procedures, or other reasons.

Transitioning is more complicated than just a surgery, and can take place over a number of years, involving social, medical, and/or legal aspects of transition. Some people decide not to transition at all. This may be for lack of supportive community, risk to personal safety, or other personal reasons. There is no “right” way to express your gender identity or to live your truth.

Under no circumstances should you ask unprompted questions about a transgender or nonbinary person’s body, genitals, medical history, plans for medical procedures, their previous name, or invasive details about their life prior to transition. Imagine how you might feel if a stranger asked you such questions!

Age

There is no “right” age to understand your gender identity. Some people know their gender from a very young age, and supporting them in this has many positive effects on their mental health and well-being. Other people transition later in life, when they are in an accepting environment to do so and have access to social, medical, or legal resources to support them. Other people explore their gender identity over the course of their entire lives. Whatever age they are, it is your responsibility as an ally to uplift them at every stage of their journey.

Binary and Nonbinary Genders

Gender is not strictly binary, and while some transgender people are binary in their gender identity and expression, others may express their gender as nonbinary, agender, genderfluid, and many more. Nonbinary people often prefer to identify outside binary categories of gender, whereas binary transgender people usually want to be accepted simply as men or women.

Sexuality

Transgender and nonbinary people identify with a wide variety of sexualities. Just because you know someone’s gender does not mean you automatically know their sexual orientation.

“Passing”

“Passing” is a term used to describe whether or not a person is perceived as a certain gender; for example, “passing as a woman” or “passing as a man.” For many transgender people, being able to “pass” as the gender they align with is important for a sense of wellbeing, and “passing privilege” can allow one to move safely through environments where being perceived as transgender is a danger.

However, the term can be considered problematic because it implies that being perceived as cisgender is the ultimate goal for transgender and nonbinary people. The word “passing” can imply that a person has to convince others of their gender, rather than being able to simply express their true self. Implying that transgender people are lying, tricking, or deceiving other people is wrong and hurtful.

Misgendering

To misgender someone means to use the wrong name, pronouns, or form of address for a person’s gender. Whether misgendering happens as an innocent mistake or a malicious attempt to invalidate a person, it is deeply hurtful and can even put a person’s safety at risk if they are outed as transgender in an environment that is not tolerant.

Purposefully misgendering is not OK, and you can be a good ally by standing up for others if you witness someone being harassed for their gender. If you misgender someone by accident, apologize swiftly without making an excessive show out of the mistake or your guilt, which can create even more discomfort for the person who has been misgendered. Show that you care by doing better moving forward.

Microaggressions

Microaggressions are everyday comments and questions that can be hurtful or stigmatizing to marginalized people and groups. Microaggressions are subtle, and the person committing the microaggression may have no idea that their comments are harmful.

For example, a common comment that transgender people may hear is, “You don’t look trans!” This is often phrased as a compliment, however it implies that being transgender is a negative thing, or that all people want to be perceived as cisgender. Since microaggressions are subtle, do your best and listen to any feedback you may receive. If someone’s feelings are hurt by something you’ve said or done, take the time to understand and to learn from the experience.

More info from GLAAD

More info from the Trevor Project

To learn more about how to be an ally to transgender people, please visit GLAAD's "Tips for Allies of Transgender People" page.

For a guide to basic terminology, including defamatory terms and slurs to avoid, please see GLAAD's Media Reference Guide.

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